Spoilers for A Feast for Crows: Tyrion's PoV

Tyrion Lannister


"Tyrion drank his way across the ocean. It was a red Dornish wine he drank. He spent most of the trip in a drunken haze; alternately chugging the wine and then throwing it back up. He spends the entire time below-decks with a boy whose job it is to clean up after the dwarf. Tyrion muses that he would like to be taken to Dorne so that he could help Myrcella claim the Iron Throne. He then considers going North to the Wall, but is daunted by the cold and the Night's Watch vows (primarily the chastity part). At this point Tyrion is still ignorant that Stannis has gone North.

Soon, it becomes obvious that they are taking him to the Free Cities, but which one Tyrion does not know. Tyrion mentions that each city has it's own dialect which is gradually becoming it's own language. He mentions that there are nine of them. The words "Wherever whores go?" continually rings through his head. He seems obsessed by the question.

Tyrion thinks back on his escape from King's Landing and Varys is heard to say that Tyrion now knows what Tywin was. From this we can deduce exactly what we thought all along: Varys showed Tyrion the passages leading to Tywin's room so as to cause a rift between Tyrion and the rest of the Lannister family.

At the end of the journey, a drunk and bewildered, Tyrion is shoved into a wine cask which is then sealed. The cask is rolled off the boat and then rolled to Illyrio's manor. By the time the wine arrives, Tyrion is bruised and dazed from his journey. Illyrio, himself, opens the wine cask to let Tyrion out.

"Oh, look, a drunk dwarf" Illyrio says.
"Oh, look, a rotting sea cow." Replies Tyrion.

Illyrio mentions that he likes Tyrion's insolence. In their discussion he uses the phrase "just so" several times. This caused me to pine for one of my favorite characters Syrio Forel. Illyrio welcomes Tyrion to the Free City of Pentos. It is mentioned that Tyrion can speak High Valyerion.

Tyrion is brought to a room where he can sleep off the effects of the wine and generally recover from his ordeal. When he awakes, he finds a blonde girl attending to him. She can speak the Westerosi tongue and dutifully bathes him. After this, Tyrion decides to explore Illyrio's estate. He finds Illyrio's wine cellars, first, and heads straight for the 'good stuff'. He opens a bottle and takes it out into the gardens. Tyrion sees guards around the estate and one of the descriptions shows that Illyrio 'employs' Unsullied.

During his exploration he comes across a washer-woman hanging clothes on a clothesline. She does not respond to him and so Tyrion guesses that she cannot speak Westerosi. He speaks to her anyway, musing about his options. He feels that he cannot stay here, but the Wall is cold and dangerous, and the situation in Dorne too unpredictable. The washer-woman ignores him and then leaves Tyrion to his own amusements.

Tyrion then makes his way back to the manor and is met by Illyrio. Tyrion is struck by how fat Illyrio is. Illyrio begins their conversation by telling Tyrion about the blonde girl and is surprised to find that Tyrion is not interested in bedding her. He mentions that the girl was purchased from the King and, as he knows, can speak Westerosi. She is from Lys, where they teach the art of love.

Illyrio tells Tyrion about the situation in the slave states but carefully avoids mentioning anything about Dany. Illyrio begins to go through Tyrion's options, telling Tyrion that Stannis is at the wall - a fact that surprises Tyrion greatly. The Wall was an unfavorable location to begin with but now that Tyrion knows Stannis is there he rules that out as a safe haven. Illyrio then proceeds to argue against him going to Dorne, explaining that Doran Martell might be a bit upset about Oberyn's death and Lannister rule in general. They both agree that Dorne is too risky a gamble. Tyrion then shrugs, thinking that Illyrio means to keep him in Pentos.

When Illyrio mentions forcing the Lannister's off the Iron Throne, Tyrion objects saying that he is still a Lion. Illyrio scoffs, saying that the Westerosi sew animals to their clothing and then take them over-seriously. Illyrio says that the Prince of Pentos owns a real pride of lions and that if Tyrion wishes Illyrio will bring him to them. Tyrion declines, thinking that this is a veiled threat to feed him to those lions.

The Prince of Pentos, Illyrio says, has sex with a virgin maid of the fields and a virgin maid of the seas every spring - in order to ensure good crops and favorable weather. If either of these fail, a war/drought/plague/flood, the Prince of Pentos has his throat slit.

At the end of Tyrion's PoV, Illyrio says that Tyrion has one other option. An option further to the east..."

Lord of House Mata

Tyrion Chapter: "He drank his way across the Narrow Sea" Nuff said! He thinks about where to go, noting that Janos Slynt is on the Wal and Doran Martell might send him to KL. Throughout the chapter, he thinks and speak aloud "Where do whores go?" He's put in barrell and delivered to Illyrio where he finds out he is in Pentos. During his 1st conversation with Illyrio, it is mentioned that slavery has been outlawed in Pentos by Braavos. Another thing noted is that Tywin detested what he called, " Spice Princes and Cheese Lords." While walking Illyrios' grounds, he notes Cherry trees and Eunichs with spiked helmets standing guard on the other side of the wall. The maid/whore that is sent to Tyrion learned the art of love in Lys. During his dinner with Illyrio, Tyrion discovers that Cersei has offered a Lordship for whomever gets her Tyrion. Their conversation steers toward Tyrion's claim of Casterly Rock. Illyrio noted that Stannis is on the Wall and Tyrion knows that Stannis would behead him for Kinslaying. Illyrio also notes that Doran Martell rules Dorne and that Tyrion would not know how he would be welcomed. The chapter end with Illyrio telling Tyrion that the road to Casterly Rock leads east, where there is a 3 Headed Dragon.

Thoughts: Very humorous chapter. Tyrion drinks himself silly throughout which makes you wonder how he really feels about what he has done. He is dressed in a boys clothes and we wondered if they were Viscerys'. The "Where do whores go?" also is intruiging. This COULD be just him mourning or it could be a swerve and he may end up looking for Tysha instead of going to Dany. I hope he goes to Dany.

Caress of Cersei

Tyrion is traveling with Illyrio in a litter, with several unsullied walking beside guarding them and their stuff that follows. Illyrio is confident that his household loves him and well, they wouldn't betray him. Tyrion laughs to himself. They're drinking a lot of sweet wine and Tyrion is glad he can stretch out in the litter. He looks out and sees some dung, which makes him think of his lord father. He hopes Tywin is in some hell where father can see him restore Dany to the throne and he will become Lord of Casterly Rock. He considers himself now all but dead ever since the red viper died. He hopes Dany isn't a frail maiden b/c she might cut herself on the iron throne. Illyrio says he thought about taking Dany for himself but thought she would be "dry, stiff, and fearfull" - she's like a dragon egg - lovely to behold, but dead on the inside.

Tyrion asks if he can trust the daughter of Aerys. Illyrio replies that he trusts the "sister of Rhaegar" or something to that effect. He said that Viserys promised him Master of the coin an d he would either get Harrenhal, Storm's End, or Casterly Rock. But he knew better than to trust.

Illyrio talks about "Grif" (you'll hear more about this from Trebla) and Tyrion thinks he sounds a lot like Bronn. Tyrion worried about sellswords and Illyrio says he trusts him like his own brother to which Tyrion replies that he too, shall trust him like his own brother (LOL)

Illyrio is matching him in his cups - Tyrion thinks Illyrio loves the sound of his own voice and therefore says too much, but recognizes that that is his own failing as well. Illyrio starts to talk about how he and Varys were children together. Varys slept in the sewers and prowled the rooftops. In Myr he was the Prince of Thieves? but in Pentos he was despised as a eunich. He and Illyrio had an arrangement about stealing and restitution (I'm sure others will go more into this detail)

Much talk about llittle birds which were called "mice" here - orphan boys and girls that were taught to read ledgers and charts b/c secrets were worth more than silvers. Illyrio stayed behind but Varys talents reached a king who didn't trust his son, his Queen, or his Hand.

Lord of House Mata

Tyrion and Illyrio depart Pentos through the Sunset Gate. They travel by a huge litter that could fit 4 Illyrio's so there is plenty of room for a dwarf. Unsullied guard their trek and there are a trail of mules that follow them carrying chests, casks, barrels, and hampers filled with delectables to make sure Illyrio doesn't lose his fat figure.

Tyrion complains that he should have been sent by ship to Slavers Bay but Illyrio explains the dangers of pirates and autumn storms. Illyrio will take him as far as the River road and from there he will travel to Dany. Tyrion grouses that by the time he gets to Dany her dragons will be as large as Balerion the Black Dread. Illyrio muses that might not be a bad thing.

They drink, eat, and talk a lot during the journey. Tyrion repeatedly promises himself he will cease his heavy drinking but keep filling his cup. They eat lavishly on all kind of foods and drink several different types of wine.

They stop only to relieve themselves on the road. The road itself is an old Valyrian road, fused stone raised a half foot above the ground. The road was wide enough for 3 wagons and it showed no sign of cracks from weather or traffic. Tyrion remembers that Valyria reached as far as Dragonstone, but never to Westeros itself. He finds it odd that they never tried to expand into the wealthy 7 kingdoms. "The wealth was further west, but they had dragons. Surely they knew it was there."

He notes a piece of dung on the road and thinks of Tywin. He thinks to himself that he should have killed Tywin long ago and hope Tywin will see him from Hell raisings Aerys' daughter to the throne.

He asks Illyrio of Dany and Illyio tells Tyrion of her. He explains that she was a frightened little girl, always wary. She was lovely, though, and he considered getting rid of Viscerys and claiming her for a wife. He doesn't do so because he believed her to be dead inside. He says that little girl died in the Doathraki sea and he does not know this new queen. Tyrion asks why Illyrio would put Mad Aerys' daughter on the throne. Illyrio says she is the sister of Prince Rhaegar.

During the conversation, Illyrio reveals that Viscerys had promised Illyrio the Master of Coin post and his choice of castles. The choices were Storm's End, Harrenhal, and Casterly Rock. Tyrion finds that hilarious. They both agree they are mistrustful of the gratitude of kings. Illyrio explains he has done all of this only for Varys. Tyrion's thoughts reveal he does not believe Illyrio at all on that.

Tyrion then finds out they are to meet a Griff on the road. Griff leads a group of sell swords. Griff is a knight from Westeros, although he had long been in Illyrio's service. Griff has raised his own son to be a knight and he is called Young Griff. Illyrio assures Tyrion that Young Griff will like him.
Tyrion is skeptical of dealing with sell swords since Cersei has offered a Lordship for his head. Illyrio explains that only Griff will know who Tyrion is and that he trusts Griff like a brother. Tyrion believes it is a mistake but only says, "Then I will trust Griff as I would my own brother."

They keep eating and drinking and end up speaking of Varys. Tyrion learns that Illyrio and Varys grew up together in Pentos. Varys had arrived from Myr one step ahead of the slavers after being ratted out by a fellow thief. Varys had been a Prince of Thieves in Myr.

Varys was nearly beaten to death in Pentos and Illyrio decided to come to an arrangement with him. Varys spied on small time thieves and stole their loot. Illyrio worked out arrangements with the victimes to recover their loot for a price. Half of the thieves wanted to kill Varys while the other half started selling their loot to him. Illyrio and Varys grew rich and soon Varys began to train his little "mice".

The mice were little boys and girls who he taught to climb walls, slip into chimneys, and to read. The mice were used to steal information, memorize it, and then leave. Varys' talents gave him a reputation that got to an anxious king who did not trust his son, his Queen, or his over proud Hand.

Tyrion knew that story and admitted that Illyrio was much more than a simple cheese monger. Illyrio admits that Tyrion is just as quick as Varys had claimed.

Lord of House Mata

They eat and drink some more and Illyrio falls asleep. Tyrion ponders the Myrish Fire wine he is drinking and thinks of dragons. He remembers his lonely childhood and remembers his dreams of being a Targaryen Prince of a Valyrian dragonlord, flying over the land. He recalls when two of his uncles asked what he wanted for his nameday. He begged for a dragon, claiming it didn't have to be a big one. It could be little like him. Gerion laughed but Tygett shook his head and told him that there were no more dragon because the last died a hundred year before. Tyrion thought it was very unfair and had cried himself to sleep that night. He thinks of Dany's 3 dragons and in his heart he listens for the beat of leather wings.

They pass through the Flatlands. Tyrion hears of the Velvet Hills and of the Rhoynar city Arnar. It was destroyed by Valyria. He gloats that he will see the Free Cities and ponders whether he should visit every whore in Volantis and name their bastards Tywin.

Tyrion recalls his 16th birthday when he announced he would visit the Free Cities as Gerion had. Tywin forbids it because Tyrion could not be relied upon to not disgrace the Lannisters. Tyrion defiantly claims since he is a man he is free to do as he wished.

Tywin tells him that only children and fools believe that men are truly free. Tywin tells him he should dress in motley and amuse the spice kings and cheese lords. But Tyrion will have to pay his own way and he can never return. Tyrion asks why Tywin wants him around since he has never had any use for him. Tywin decides to make use of Tyrion and on his name day has him clean all of the drains and cistens in Casterly Rock. Tyrion thinks Tywin hoped he'd fall in one but proudly recalls what a good job he did.

They pass south of the Hills of the Andalos. The Andals had departed from there ten thousand years ago. Tyrion recalls a septon claiming the Seven had walked the hills in human form. Tyrion recites passages from "The Seven-Pointed Star"(other holy books are mentioned but not named). Tyrion had at one time considered becoming a septon until he found a real use for his manhood and fell in love

Illyrio tells of his first love and how he lost her to the grey death. He kept her hands in his bedchamber. Tyrion lies and claims the love he had was for his hand because he cannot speak of Tysha.

They speak more of the Andals and Rhoynar. Illyrio claims that the Andals learned smithing from the Rhoynar. Tyrion learns that the hills are empty because the Khals often pillage the area. They argue about the Dothraki with Tyrion claiming that the Dothraki would not be quick to pillage if someone destroyed a khalasar. Illyrio argues the difficulty with doing so and that it is easier to buy them off. Tyrion sees why Tywin held the Free Cities in such contempt.

Tyrion hears stories of rock goblins and giants warring. The goblins won but were seduced by swan maidens from the lakes and were made thralls. The Andals then rose up and killed them all. Later, a group of robbers preyed on folks near the lakes until Rhoynar drowned them. Legend says the robbers are still there to claim anyone who tries to fish the lakes.

They pass a large Valyrian sphinx. There were two but the other sits now in Vaes Dothrak.

Tyrion gets drunker than ever that night and sings his and Shae's song. He recalls how Shae's hands beat at him when he strangled her, twisting the chain again and again. He does not recall whether he had kissed her one last time.

His thoughts go to Tysha and he recalls their first time. They both did not how. He tries to see her face but all he sees is Tywin on the privy when he shot him with the crossbow

He falls asleep and awakes to find the litter stopped. He climbs out to piss and finds Illyrio, surrounded by the Unsullied, speaking to 2 strange men. He banters with them about his pissing and then asks if their is trouble and whether he should grab an axe.

The larger one laughs and asks his companion, Haldon, if he had heard that. Haldon doubts that Tyrion could kill a duck. Tyrion takes the bait and tells them to fetch a duck. The large man draws his sword and tells Tyrion, "I'm Duck, you mouthy little pisspot"

He asks what Tyrion thinks of that. Tyrion get real nervous and responds by saying he had a smaller duck in mind. Duck laughs loudly at that. Haldon says Griff will be grateful for the dwarf but that Griff sent them for some chests. Haldon orders Duck to put the chests on some mules. Duck whines that he is the knight here but still does as he is told. Illyrio asks about Young Griff and asks if the boy is ready. Haldon tells him that Young Griff is as tall as Griff and 3 days earlier had driven Duck backwards into a horse trough.

Illyrio says he wants to give Young Griff his blessings and has a gift for him in the chests. Haldon tells him there is no time for the litter. Illyrio gets angry and says there are things Griff must know. The Golden Company has broken its contact with Myr and is riding west from the Disputed Lands. Haldon interrupts him by saying they already know this because Bennaro has seen it in his fires and that the Golden Company makes for Volantis. That is why Griff needs them to make haste. Illyrio says, "The dragon has three heads, there is no need for haste.

Haldon says Griff believes there is need for haste. Haldon eyes Tyrion and then begins to speak in another language. Tyrion cannot tell what it is but think it might be Volantene. He catches a few words that come close to High Valyrian. The words he catches are, queen, dragon, and sword.

Tyrion asks for their names after Haldon asks if Tyrion can ride as well as he pisses. Haldon tells him they also call him Halfmaester and that he is the healer of the group. Tyrion is then introduced to Ser Rolly Duckfield. Tyrion says he must call him Ser Duck and Duck agrees. Duck claims any knight can make a knight and that Griff made him one.

They ask Tyrion's name and Illyrio says it's Yollo. Tyrion hates it, thinking it sounds like a monkey and a Pentoshi. Tyrion tells them his name is Hugor Hill and (in "The Seven Pointed Star, the Father placed a crown of 7 stars on Hugor of the Hill) Haldor asks if he is little bastard or a little king.

Tyrion realizes the man misses little and he will have to be careful around him.Tyrion tells them even a dwarf is a bastard in his father's eyes. They tell him to fetch his axe and get ready to ride because Griff will not wait for man or dwarf.

Lord of House Mata

Also, GRRM was only able to read half of teh Tyrion chpater due to time constraints. He stopped pretty much where I split the chapter in half, so we didn't get to hear Illyrio's tone of speaking of Young Griff.

Other little tidbits:
The reason Tyrion wanted to become a septon was that he had read of a dwarf High Septon years ago.

Gerion had only visited 6 of teh Free Cities. Tyrion wanted to visit all 9.

A rival informed on Varys in Myr. Doesn't appear he was stealing from other thieves yet.



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